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A Tale of Two Widows



          
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“Wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Thus and more may the Lord do to me if anything but death parts me from you." " (Ruth 1:16).


For centuries, wedding service orders have looked to Ruth's famous words as a standard of unfailing devotion to each other. Although we live more than 3,000 years after Ruth, we can almost feel her emotions as we hear these words repeated in the modern marriage ceremony. Truly her words are timeless. Few examples can compare to that of Ruth's devotion to Naomi. Ruth's loyal devotion can inspire us to remain faithful to God, His truth and the Church.


Life's momentous occasions unite people in various ways. People are united by victory or failures, joy or sadness, grief or loss and many other things in life. The story of two widows, Ruth and Naomi is one of commitment and mutual devotion in a challenging life situation that teaches that hope comes alive when we join together in faith.  The Story is of a mother and daughter in law who found themselves being widowed unexpectedly.  I read a story of two widows recently in the newspaper where a mother and daughter who lost their husbands due to Covid -19 and and they were united by grief.  (Two Widows United by Grief). When Anne Mayer’s husband, John Bird, died just before Christmas last year, she unsurprisingly turned to her three daughters for help. Now 86, the veteran artist had never before lived alone. But just six weeks later, in a cruel twist of fate, the husband of her youngest daughter, Catherine, also died of Covid 19. (She is a women’s rights campaigner and author). The two widows were united in grief, but were also united in determination to fight on. Now, mother and daughter are jointly writing a book, "Good Grief",  spelling out their shared experiences of loss and coping despite the difficulties due to Covid-19. Catherine says: “In losing the loves of our lives, we have found an ever closer relationship.” 


Standing in the front of the pews during worship services, I sometimes find myself  seeing the lonely travelers of journey - the widows and widowers in this congregation, people who are now alone because their lifetime partner was taken away. It's heart-wrenching to remember the story of saying good-bye to the beloved partner. In some cases I was part of that process. The fact is that they are gone from us, but the truth is that we are not alone. 


Ruth 1 tells us the terrible facts of a tragic history. Now it came about in the days when the judges governed, that there was a famine in the land. There were reasons for these dark days in Israel, then ruled by judges: It happened in Bethlehem, which means “ House of bread”. The opening sentence tells us of difficulties . It says that it was during the period of the judges when this story took place, some where in 6th or 5th century BC. That was a time of moral chaos and national humiliation for Israel. It was a terrible time to be a Jew. Further, we're told that the weather didn't cooperate and that famine struck. And it was a lasting famine; ten years would go by while the famine blighted at least the region of Bethlehem. That is when they decided to leave for Moab. There were reasons for these dark days in Israel, then ruled by judges: "In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes" (Judges 21:25).


Then we enter the personal story of this family, a man named Elimelech, which means "My God is King," and a woman named Naomi, which means "Pleasant." With such names, they were, we can assume, good people. Buffeted by circumstances, they moved to Moab so that they could survive the famine. Then in the land of Moab both the husband and the two sons who married there died, tragically, for reasons we don't know. But Naomi's tragedy was compounded because she had two sons who also died, not as older men who had lived full lives and accomplished much, but as young men, recently married. Neither of them had been able to produce children, so we can imagine they were in their prime when their lives were taken. Naomi was bereft of her two children and her husband.


There Naomi’s husband and two children died, leaving her as a widow with two Moabite young widows who did not have children.  The emotional pain and loss of seeing her family die, in her arms we can well imagine, was made even worse, though. To be a woman alone was to be faced with ruin in that culture. There was no social security, no safety net, no way for a woman to predict good things for her future if she didn't have a man in her life. Naomi's future was filled with threat and fear and difficulty. Naomi told her daughters in law to leave to their own homes.  Orpah, the older one left, but Ruth would not leave her.   There she says the famous worlds of nuptial commitment we use today, “Wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Thus and more may the Lord do to me if anything but death parts me from you." (Ruth 1:16).


Naomi returned to Bethlehem with Ruth at the beginning of the barley harvest and, in order to support her mother-in-law and herself, Ruth went to the fields to glean. As it happened, the field she went to work belonged to a man named Boaz, who was kind to her because he had heard of her loyalty to her mother-in-law. Ruth told Naomi of Boaz's kindness.  Boaz, being a close relative of Naomi's husband's family, was therefore obliged by the levirate law to marry Ruth (Mahlon's widow) to carry on his family's inheritance. Boaz and Ruth were then married and had a son. The women of the city celebrated Naomi's joy, for Naomi had found a redeemer for her family name. Naomi took the child and placed it on her bosom. The child was named Obed, who is "the father of Jesse, the father of David" (Ruth 4:13–17), that is, the grandfather of King David, and great great great grandfather of Jesus Christ. The book concludes with an appendix which traces the Davidic genealogy all the way back from Perez, "whom Tamar bore to Judah", through to Obed, down to David.


Two women, Two Responses

These two voices are very different from each other. Naomi's daughter-in-law, Ruth went through similar situation of what Naomi herself went through. Ruth was also a widow, childless, and poor. Eventually Ruth would also live a life in a land that was not her own, being dislocated and an immigrant. Yet Ruth's response to it was completely different. Though the facts were same, She saw the truth differently. Life is very much dependent on two factors - truths and facts.  We have the facts, but how we make sense out of the facts of life and perceive the situation as good or bad.  This book opens with grief, loss, hardship, and suffering. These are the facts.  Pain and suffering are real.  You cannot deny, or ignore them. Seeing the two of them side by side will help us understand much of what God has to say to us in this passage. 


The facts and the truth are not the same thing. Discerning truth is a matter of interpreting the facts. In a courtroom setting, the same facts are available to both prosecution and defense. Each attorney puts his own spin or construction upon the evidence, but this does not imply that both sides are right. There is still one truth. It would be absurd to insist otherwise. Depending on the type of case before the bar, an individual’s entire future may hang upon the jury’s ability to recognize this single truth. The correct meaning emerges when the significance of the pattern and the real relationship between the facts becomes clear. This is why Scripture asserts that Jesus Christ is the Truth (John 14:6). He is the Truth because all things “hold together” in Him (Colossians 1:17).


Discovering the truth is a matter of interpreting the facts, A fact is something that's indisputable, based on empirical research and quantifiable measures. Facts go beyond theories. They're proven through calculation and experience, or they're something that definitively occurred in the past. Truth is entirely different; it may include fact, but it can also include belief.  Fact is indisputable. Truth is acceptable. It is what a person has come to believe. If he believes that something is true, then it is true as far as he or she is concerned. Read more: Difference Between Fact and Truth 


For example, it is about 13 miles to come to church here, and takes about 20 minutes for me. That is the fact. I believe it is not a bad distance of time to drive.  But someone else living at the same distance believes that it is too far and too long of a drive, then it becomes truth for them.  The facts remain the same, but the inference leads to the truth that is acceptable or not acceptable for each individual. To many people people, The US and Europe are considered Western countries.  But to us in the US, Europe is East to us. So what is the truth? It depends on where you are and what you are perceiving.


When you're asked to describe yourself, which facts come out? Well, you're probably not as bad off as Naomi (a very small handful of us are). But you're also  not young and rich and handsome and smart. You're somewhere in between. But given the facts, whatever they are, the question that remains is, what is the truth about you? 


There are many ways we can take hold of the conditions of our life and try to give them meaning. Remember what Job's comforters did to try to give meaning to his life when Job suffered blow after blow, like Naomi. They came to him and said, "You're suffering because you're guilty." A lot of people think that way, don't they? When life gets hard they say, "I must have done something terrible to deserve this." And they pile shame upon the suffering they're already experiencing.


Two women, two outlooks on future. Where is God in this?

So Naomi returned, and with her Ruth the Moabitess, her daughter-in-law, who returned from the land of Moab. And they came to Bethlehem at the beginning of barley harvest. Naomi saw, God as a punishing God, while the Ruth saw the season of harvest as a God-given opportunity to grab hold of. 


One of the most moving aspects of the book by name "Good Grief" is a woman by name Anne who emailed love letters to her husband John, which she began writing soon after his death.  “I tell him things like how wonderful the spring weather was, how the garden is, and other domestic matters,” says Anne, who over many years worked for theaters such as the Royal Court in London. Anne, whose brother died as a child in the United States, where she was brought up before coming to the UK, has also begun a blog.  Anne is well aware of how unprepared people are for the deaths of their loved ones. She points to how few make wills, which in turn leads to so many complications. Few know what probate is, or how to deal with the necessary individuals and organizations before death, such as end-of-life charities. Nor, after the bereavement, are they prepared for dealing with funeral directors, the Inland Revenue and lawyers. This, she and her daughter Catherine who  co-authors the book call this situation “sadmin”. They also spell out in the book how to cope with the social etiquette surrounding death. Catherine says: “Many people feel uncomfortable talking about loss, and we want to offer some thoughts on how to do this.” The very title of  'Good Grief' hints of positives, even some joy, in death too. Catherine says: “Even on bad days, my mother and I know how fortunate we are. Both of us had the luck to have many years loving and being loved.”


Two women united in grief now find a common blessing.

Ruth did not follow Naomi for finding another husband.  Naomi was very clear in explaining it to her. 

But what Ruth did say was, "God has given us each other."  Naomi couldn't believe was that they loved each other and that was worth something.  But Ruth said, "You know, I may never have anyone but you." The relationship that God has given us as mother and daughter, as sisters, as friends, is enough for us. God has not been bad to us, he's been good to us in ways that we didn't expect. So don't send me away and forbid me to make my future with you. Where you go I will go. Where you lodge I will lodge. Your people will be my people. Your God will be my God. Where you die I will die and be buried."


Naomi had chosen to focus on what she didn't have, and had grown angry and bitter and had assumed God didn't love her. Ruth had chosen to focus on what she did have and was thankful, because everything had changed. She had grown up as a worshiper of a demon and she now knew the God of Israel. She had grown up among a people who had no future, and she now had the possibility of joining the people of God, the heirs of the promise, the ones to whom the Law had been given, the ones from whom Messiah would come. She had the opportunity to have what she had never had: status in Israel, intimacy with God, a true friend. She didn't have a husband, but that was okay. She was grateful for what she had. She analyzed life 180 degrees opposite of the way Naomi analyzed life.


I've come to think that it's odd that this statement of Ruth's gets used in wedding services because this was not a commitment between lovers. It was a commitment between friends, sisters, mother and daughter. We the church is here to tell the world that it is possible to have relationships of depth, seriousness, lasting commitment, future, and real love between people.  We are not going to live in a world that continues to be miserable, but we are determined to live a life with hope and joy because we have each other, and above all we have God in our lives.


Here in the book of Ruth is a relationship of extraordinary commitment, one that has a future, substance, love. Some people live with their parents because perhaps they have elderly parents who require all their time and attention. Some people stay single perhaps they have emotional quirks in their personality that make it hard for them to be committed. Whatever the reason, they don't ever expect to marry, but they can write in their diary, "By the grace of God, I have a family, and I intend to participate at a deep level in the lives of my brothers and sisters. I need not live alone."  Some are widows and widowers among us. Just the fact that this story creates for us the possibility of serious, committed, loving relationships gives us a chance to offer the world what it needs. There are ways to be part of a family and have relationship that is committed and honest and true.


Naomi was frustrated, angry, and bitter because she had decided that God didn't love her. Ruth, given essentially the same hand in life except that she was younger, concluded that God did love her. And what made Ruth able to see that is that she saw what she had as a gift from God, and she was grateful for it. They were completely different in their orientation toward the future, weren't they? Ruth said, "I have no idea what will happen, but I can be committed to you and your God and your people, and let him deal with the future." Naomi said, "The future will come only as you calculate it and make it happen." She was frightened, angry, and withdrawn. We'll see in the rest of the story that led her to believe that things happen above and beyond our calculations and planing. Anything could happen that she didn't do for herself.


We also have the option, given whatever set of facts we have, of determining what the truth is. If you're a Christian, you're a child of God, an intimate child of Christ. You have the comforter Holy Spirit inside of you. You have the option of being thankful, leaning into the future, holding on to what is good; or concluding that hard facts mean lovelessness and a life without God, his hand turned against you, his rejection, and so on. But the issue is not what your life is made of, the issue is what you have determined to be true.  Paul says, in 1 Thess 5:11 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. hold on to what is good."


One of the great things about the book of Ruth is that God doesn't leave Naomi here. When people are frustrated and angry, and they pray and struggle with life; they don't get left behind. Naomi is going to be changed. The book of Ruth would be read in synagogues centuries later during the Feast of Weeks, a yearly festival that concluded the wheat harvest (A.S. Geden, The International Standard Bible Encyclopaedia , Vol. 4, p. 2528). This celebration was also known as Pentecost ("fiftieth [day]") to the New Testament Church (Acts 2), and it prophetically symbolized Jesus Christ's harvest of souls for eternity.  “ Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38 Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”(Matthew 9:36-38).


The Bible says in John 1:12 “But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.  Romans 8:17, Paul says we are children of God, joint-heirs with Jesus Christ. As children of God, we should not be afraid to make decisions.  Believe that He will provide you with all the blessings, sufficient grace and strength to withstand any challenges. Ruth was not afraid of the future, about working hard, starting over in a new career, new land, and new status. She worked at a back-breaking and feet-hurting job in heat-sweltering conditions for mere leftovers, the minimum, odds and ends. But the promise was the future.  The Bible informs us that she married Boaz. From that marriage came a son named Obed. Obed would have a son whose name was Jesse. Jesse would have a son whose name was David. Out of that lineage would be the descendants of Jesus Christ.  Ruth became the great-grandmother to King David! 


As we read in Isaiah 64:64 and Paul quotes in 1 Cor 2:9, “Eyes have not seen, ears have not heard, no one has thought in his heart, what the Lord has planned for those who love the Lord”.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. “For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18).




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